When you get right down to brass tacks; a sex scandal involving today’s democrat is no longer a scandal but resume enhancement. It’s a chance to strike back at the evil forces of Christianity who try to impose their moral code on society without regard to the realities of human sexuality. Honestly, this sort of thing could happen to anyone and the archaic code of Christian Monogamy is at best unrealistic and at worst a bondage to an ideal that can never be achieved. Ever since Freud and Kinsey it’s been settled science, just like global warming, that men are scumbags who lie cheat and sleep around because they simply can’t control themselves. It’s really not even a character flaw, rather, it’s hard wired into male DNA; let’s call it the scumbag gene.
Because sexuality is a part of one’s private life, it’s a heroic act to dissemble about your sex life because you help change society from asking such inappropriate questions about what worldly people know is a private matter. Mr. Edwards didn’t actually sleep around on his terminally ill wife he became an agent of social change with his resolute efforts to keep the government and the media out of the bedroom and thus he struck a blow against oppressive Christian morality being shoved down our throat. John Edwards is not a philandering scumbag for cheating on his dying wife; he’s an agent of social change who’s not afraid to insist that his private biological expeditions are private, even if he is a public figure trying to be a public servant and an advocate for family values. It’s not a lie because the question itself was immoral since invading someone’s privacy on the grounds that their private conduct has bearing on the public duties they may be entrusted with is Christian Sophistry. How dare the right wing Ken Starr’s of the world try to impugn the integrity of John Edwards in this thinly veiled attempt to impose their morality on everyone not just Mr. Edwards!
We all know that William Jefferson Clinton was persecuted by the Christian Zealots, like Ken Starr, for defending his right to sexual privacy during a sexual harassment suit, right? Did it unduly disrupt the country? Well clearly it shouldn’t have because the new sexual realism and recognition of the male scumbag gene that universities across the country have documented all these years. Democrats can’t really be guilty of sexual harassment because guys like William the Impeached and John Edwards have gone out of their way, all their public lives, to be friendly to women’s issues. Women matter to dedicated public servants like this and to take this whole so called “scandal” and use that to destroy these enlightened men, who personify a more enlightened way, is to do an injustice to all women. Face a fact ladies: when you need something its men like John Edward and Bill Clinton who are always ready to lend you a helping hand.
Doubtless Mrs. Edwards is proud of her husband’s integrity and defense of good boundaries. Thank goodness the baby’s not his because the lack of an abortion could harm his standing with feminists! Mr. Edwards was nothing in public life, if not a staunch advocate for reproductive freedom. Pioneering men like Edwards and Clinton have always been at the forefront of women aborting their children because it’s their right to do so. These men get it. The Edwards campaign used to brag that John would be the first woman president; just as Bill Clinton was the first black president. I’m sure Mrs. Edwards, who repeated this line in public after knowing the truth, was just trying to share John with all women of this country who need a guy just like him to defend their interests.
By her actions it seems that Mrs. Edwards, like her husband, was defending the higher truth that an advocate who would do anything for a woman is worth defending at all cost. Who but a right wing Christian Zealot would deny that Mrs. Edwards truth is not as valid as anyone else’s truth. Every sophisticated person knows that we all have our own truth and that absolute truth is a myth. Mrs. Edwards scarified a bit of her marriage to underline, for all of us, that truth is socially created and anyone who claims to know the truth is them self a liar. After all if Mrs. Edwards could spend her last days trying to share John with all the women of the country, who, clearly, need a man they can trust to be faithful to their issues, then we should celebrate the selflessness of this cancer stricken woman and not hold John accountable for his actions.
John and Elizabeth Edward, like Hillary and Bill Clinton are the personification of baby boom morality and they are the cutting edge agents of social change we need to free us from absolutist concepts of right and wrong! After all, it’s not really lying its defending the right of privacy! It’s not really cheating its striking a blow against right wing Christian extremists who’re trying to impose their morality on us all! It’s not even untrue because, as any educated person will tell you, the truth wears many faces and the truth is socially created anyway. At the end of the day it’s a private matter between John and Elizabeth Edwards and none of our business: and that’s the truth.
I feel better now that this is cleared up. Don’t you?